Let Me Let Go
by Marty78
Summary: Complete Seifer and Quistis had an intimate relationship several years before Ultmecia. With that realtionship ending with child and hearbreak, Quistis is off to Galbadia Garden to start her instructors training. Revised Combined two stories to make it a
1. Default Chapter

Let Me Let Go 

Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned in this Fan Fiction belong to me. Any resemblance of original characters to real people is purely accidental. Let Me Let Go is sung by Faith Hill.

Quistis blinked back tears as she packed her bags. Today should have been happy, a day to hang out with her friends. After weeks of stress and exam binges,she had passed her instructor's test and was scheduled to start her training. But someone had ruined the occasion for her.

Turning to her table, she picked up a picture of her and Seifer and ripped it in half. Carefully she put her half of the picture in her suitcase and threw Seifer's half in the trash can. Last night she had gone to visit her boyfriend, Seifer Almasy, and discovered him in bed with their magic instructor.

Quistis shook her head. He had seemed so caring and understanding whenever he talked to her. She knew his reputation, he used women and treated them like shit, but he had always been gentle with her.

She trusted him with everything she had. She had given up her innocence to that sixteen year old boy. And then he goes off, not even a day later and cheats on her.

Shaking her head, Quistis pushed the top of the suitcase down in a desprite effort to close the overfloing bag. It wasn't a big deal. Friends told her it was bound to happen, and she wasn't exactly surprised.

She grinned slightly as she picked up her papers. Right after seeing Seifer and Caroline together, she headed straight to Cid's office and asked for permission to train in Balamb sister garden, Galbadia.

At least she wouldn't be stuck with Seifer and Caroline for the next year.

Quistis was startled by a knock on her door. Glancing up at her clock, she headed for the door. When she opened it, she was tempted to slam it shut again. There, in her doorway, stood Caroline, who had tears streaming down her face.

Quistis opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by her former instructor. "Now, before you say anything, I know you know. And I'm so sorry."

Quistis stepped back and allowed Caroline in. Caroline muttered a thank you, not knowing that Quistis planned to cut off all her escape routes.

Shutting the door quietly, Quistis turned to address the pretty young woman. "Why did he do it?" Her voice cracked slightly. "Am I not good enough for him?"

Caroline turned away from Quistis and walked over to her desk. Inside the trash can, she saw the torn picture of Seifer. "Quistis, you are a great woman. Too great, in fact." Caroline said the last part quietly, dripping with bitterness. "No one can live up to you and Seifer will soon find that out."

Quistis slid down the wall and sat on the floor. "Well, that doesn't help me much now, does it? Why did you do it?"

Caroline laughed. "What teenage girl doesn't want him? I knew his reputation and I felt like we were meant to be together. I had to try him and see if it would turn out alright."

Quistis pulled herself together and walked over to where Caroline stood. "I'll tell you this, girl. I don't ever want to see you around here again. I'm leaving in approximately," Quistis paused to look at her watch, "Thirty minutes. I have to pack and I want you gone."

Caroline took a step back. "Now hold on a minute. I wanted you to know that it was an accident. I didn't mean to break you and Seifer up, and I had to apologize. You hear? I should have never come."

Turning to continue packing, Quistis agreed. "You're right, bitch, you shouldn't have."

Caroline stopped walking toward the door. "What was that little girl? You wanna piece of me?"

Quistis spun around and laughed, "No thanks. Seifer's already had enough for the both of us."

Stomping angrily, Caroline left Quistis' dorm and headed back to her own, muttering darkly to herself the whole way.

Quistis picked up her luggage and headed for the front gates. Cid himself said that he would drive her to Balamb where she would catch her train.

Before she made it to the gate, Seifer came up behind her with a single red rose. He knelt down in front of Quistis and spoke, "Quistis, whatever I did, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"

Quistis laughed in his face. "No. How can you ask me that? I can't forgive you." She took the rose he handed her and snapped the stem. Angrily she threw it at him. "Get the hell away from me, asshole."

He grabbed onto her arm. "Quistis. . ."

Angrily she spun around. "No! Don't you ever, ever call me that again." Seifer's eyes filled with tears and Quistis could feel her heart begin to break. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I'm Instructor Trepe now, especially to you, Seifer."

Pausing to dig around in her purse, she came up with Seifer's card key. "And you can have this back. I don't think I'll need it anymore."

Then she spun on her heals and continued her walk to the front gate without a looked back. Had she taken one last glance, the look on Seifer's face might have been enough to convince her to stay and give him a second chance.

Cid was waiting for her when she reached her destination. Slowly, she placed her bags in the trunk and got into the front seat of the car.

Cid grinned at her, "Is my favorite student ready to go train? You are the perfect person to represent Balamb Garden."

Quistis grinned at Cid momentarily, and then turned to stare out the window. Cid took the hint and the rest of the drive was done in silence.

I thought it was over, baby

We said our good-byes

But I can't go a day without your face

Goin' through my mind.

Quistis' eyes filled with tears as she leaned closer to the window so Cid couldn't see them. She hadn't been away from Balamb for twenty minutes and already she was missing her home. And Seifer.

The trees outside her window passed at a frightful rate, making her head spin. Feeling sick, she searched for a focus to hold her thoughts. She searched for a place to hold her attention. That was what Seifer had been. He was her focus. He was her safe haven.

Caroline had always seemed so nice, too. She was always there to help Quistis along. It was Caroline who had suggested the possibility of becoming an instructor. In fact she had offered the opportunity for both Quistis and Seifer to become instructors, but Seifer failed.

Not being able to stop, Quistis began wondering if Caroline failed him on purpose; to break his spirit down and make him depressed enough to turn to her.

That was nonsense. It was Seifer's fault he failed. If he had kept his health up instead of worrying about her own. . .

"Damn it." Quistis muttered to herself.

Cid slightly looked up, but realized that he was intruding on a private moment.

Quistis put her forehead to the cool window, now seeing beyond the blurred trees. In her mind she always seemed to make him her hero.

In fact, not a single minute

Passes without you in it

Your voice, your touch,

Memories of your love

Are with me all the time.

A heartbreaker. That's all Seifer was. Quietly, Quistis banged her head against the window. How could she let herself fall for such an idiot? Especially an idiot with the reputation Seifer had.

Or she could have stopped the whole thing when Seifer called her a bitch in the Balamb forest when they were supposed to be training. She had, in fact, tried to leave, but somehow he made her stay. And her made love to her.

Smiling softly at her reflection in the window, she thought about what a funny phrase that was. Make love. Did she and Seifer have a love? Did she give up her innocence to become so guy's conquest, or was there actually feeling behind it?

She loved him. He gave her strength. She gave her confidence. Quistis knew that Seifer was the one who had pushed her the extra length to make instructor.

She suddenly remembered her birthday present. Putting her hand in her pocket, she drew out a small silver cross on a silver chain. She eyes filled with tears once more. Her birthday wasn?t for another few months, but he had given it to her the day of her instructor's exam. Had he known what would happen?

Let me let go, baby

Let me let go

If this is for the best

Why are you still in my heart,

Are you still in my soul, let me let go

Quistis fingered the small cross softly. Moonlight bounced off the silver object and projected a faint glimmer. Hesitantly, she pulled the chain over her head and let the cross fall to her chest.

Cid pulled the car into Balamb and stopped at the car rental shop. He turned to Quistis. "I'm going to park the car here. Do you want me to come with you and help you with your bags?"

Quistis opened her door and got out of the car. "No. You can go on back. I'll be fine."

Cid got out of the car and walked over to Quistis. "I've known you ever since you were a little girl. It's like I'm sending my youngest daughter to college." He laughed. "But you deserve this chance. You will show all those city folk how our country girls do it."

Quistis giggled. "We aren't exactly country, Cid. I grew up in a big town, ya know."

Cid smiled slowly. "Yes, you did." He mentally shook himself. "You best get going. I don't want you to miss your train on the account of an old man."

Quistis giggled and hugged Cid. "You're like a father to me. I'll only be gone a year."

Cid patted her on the back and waved her off. "Be gone with ya, girl."

Quistis headed toward the train station. When she got there, she bought her ticket. Since her train didn't leave for another hour, she sat down on a bench to wait. Unable to stop her mind from wandering, she started thinking of Seifer.

I talked to you the other day

Looks like you made your escape

You put us behind, no matter how hard I try

I can't do the same

Quistis couldn't understand how he could get over her so quickly. It was mind-boggling how quickly he moved on to Caroline.

The only thing that grounded her was the memory of Seifer begging her to stay. She must have been better in bed then Caroline, since that was all Seifer seemed to care about.

Quistis knew, from the moment she saw Seifer look at Caroline that they could get together eventually. Quistis thought herself to be stupid for not seeing it sooner.

She looked up as her train was called and she stood. The time has come to let him go. The time has come to leave his memories behind in Balamb. She was off to a new home. She was off to a new life.

On the train ride, Quistis attempted to test out her new wings by flirting shamelessly with her 'cabin buddy'. About half-way through the journey, her advances were rewarded with a kiss.

The guy she was with didn't have his own name, or at least not one Quistis cared to remember. She felt slightly guilty for using him as a guy to get over Seifer, but that guilt was replaced with the intoxicating feeling of making a guy swoon over her.

The train's first stop was Timber and thankfully, Quistis' new friend got off there. Since the next train didn't leave for another hour, he invited her to his house. She politely refused, not wanting to intrude.

Or at least that's what she told him. The truth was she wanted to be left alone with her thoughts. She wanted to dwell on memories one last time, before she crossed the threshold into a new life.

Let me let go, baby

Let me let go

It just isn't right

I've been two thousand miles

Down a dead-end road

Let me let go, darlin', won't you

I gotta know, yeah

If this is for the best,

Why are you still in my heart

Are you still in my soul

Without realizing it, Quistis climbed on the train and headed out toward Galbadia Garden.

Later that night, she arrived at her new home. She waved good-bye to the lady who drove her through the woods and went up to the headmaster's office.

He greeted her warmly. "You must be the young lady that Cid has told me so much about. You will be our youngest instructor we have ever trained. I hope you can stand it." He winked at her.

Quistis smiled politely. "When will my classes start?"

Martine laughed softly. "Classes? What classes? You, my dear, are an instructor now. You will begin by being a teacher's assistant. Eventually, you will be able to have your own small beginner class. After this year is over, you will be able to go back to Balamb and handle your own advanced class, if you so wish. By the way, what kind of classes do you want to teach?"

Quistis thought for a moment and smiled. "I want to instruct students who are going to take the SeeD exam. I would love to help students succeed in their own personal way."

Martine nodded curtly. "Ok. You will be assisting Instructor Heise two days from now. I'll give you tomorrow off so you can acquaint yourself with the school. Should you have any questions, speak to my secretary. She will help you. Your dorm is room 34A. I trust you'll be able to find it, Miss Trepe?"

Quistis nodded her head and left the office quickly. Her first stop was the training center. The one at Balamb had a 'Secret Area' that she used to go to for quiet time. That was the place she went the night she found Seifer and Caroline together.

She found it after wandering around for a while and didn't have any trouble finding a balcony near the back. Besides a couple making out in the corner, it was empty.

She stood, leaning on the rail looking at the bright lights of the garden. It was so different from home, yet exactly the same. A young man walked up beside her.

"Hey. You new here?"

Quistis barely looked up. "Yup."

The guy didn't move. "My name's Locke. I got here yesterday."

Quistis nodded, concentrating on the small dots walking down below them. "Isn't that nice?"

Locke smiled. "You're in a good mood. Did you leave someone behind? A boyfriend?"

Quistis looked at Locke and found herself staring into a pair of amazing green eyes. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yup." Locke nodded. "But that's ok. I left behind a whole string of girls back home. All of them are pinning away for me."

Quistis quickly averted her gaze. "That isn't funny."

Locke sighed, realizing he hit a nerve. "You're right, it isn't. I've never had a girl in my life. I always choke in front of them and screw up."

She grinned at him. "I know how you feel. I've only had one boyfriend and he was an asshole. We broke up shortly before I left. I'm studding for instructorship."

"An instructor, huh? Impressive."

"Yeah." She stopped grinning. "Seifer, my boyfriend, was supposed to pass the test with me."

The lights of this strange city are shinin'

But they don't hold no fascination for me

I try to find the bright side, baby

But everywhere I look,

Everywhere I turn, you're all I see

Locke frowned. "I'm sorry."

Quistis turned away from the brightness of the garden below. She hated it when people faked apologies. WHy was he sorry? He didn't cheat on her. "It's ok. Really it is."

Locke grinned and daringly draped his arm over Quistis" shoulders. "Then how about letting me show the new girl to the cafeteria for dinner?"

Quistis hesitated slightly, startled by Locke's bluntness, the nodded her head. "Sure. Let's go, Locke."

Two months passed without much change. Quistis proved herself to be the best protégée ever to take the instructors course. She was already teaching a beginners course for first level magic.

Quistis also allowed Locke to get close to her. He seemed so kind. Plus he didn't have a harmful reputation. He was genuinely interested in her.

About halfway through the second month, she opened up even more and slept with him.

She woke up that morning with a queasy feeling in her stomach. At first she thought it was guilt, but it became evident that guilt was not the problem. She cared about Locke and hadn't thought of anyone else for the longest time.

She felt a hot liquid begin moving up her throat. Quickly, she detangled herself from her lover's arms and crawled for the bathroom.

Locke awoke to the sound of Quistis vomiting in the toilet. He climbed out of bed and put on his robe. He walked across the carpet and found Quistis sitting on the freezing bathroom floor.

"Hey baby, not feeling so hot today?"

Quistis glared up at him. "No, I feel wonderful. Get me my robe."

Locke smiled at her. "I like you like this. What if I don't want to get your robe?"

Quistis moaned pitifully. "Please, Locke. I'm not in the mood."

Feeling sorry for his love, he went to fetch her robe. He came back and gave it to her. "I'm going to get something to eat. I guess I don't have to ask if you want anything."

Quistis stayed bent over and waved her hand, gesturing him to leave. As Locke started for the door, Quistis stopped him. "Wait."

Locke started back. "What's up honey?"

She rested her elbows on the toilet seat. "I think I'd like some chicken broth."

"Chicken broth. Got it. I'll be back soon." He started for the door again.

"And some fried chocobo wings, some goat's milk. And some turkey giblets. Fried in some lard. Yeah. That'd be good."

Locke walked back to the bathroom door. "Anything else?"

Quistis flushed the toilet. "Ummm, some cheese and pickles. Trough in some Doritos and I should be fine."

Locke rolled his eyes as he started out the door. "Women." He muttered as he heard Quistis begin to throw up again in the toilet.

After dressing and eating all of the food Locke brought her, Quistis headed for the doctor's office. He had forced her to make an appointment. Lock was worried and Quistis saw no reason not to go.

Dr. Johnson came out of his office holding some papers. Quistis stood up to greet him.

He smiled gently at her. "Good morning, Miss Trepe. I think you might want to sit down before I tell you what I found."

Quistis collapsed in her chair. "Is it a bad thing, doctor? Am I terribly sick?"

Dr. Johnson shook his head. "No. You're in excellent shape. My news isn't bad at all, that is if you were trying."

Confused, Quistis looked up at the doctor. "Expecting what?"

"A baby, of course."

If she hadn't been sitting she would have collapsed again. "A baby? How? I don't understand."

Dr. Johnson laughed again. "Well, usually when a man and a woman. . ."

Quistis interrupted him. "No, I understand that part, but the last time. . . Last night . . ."

Looking at his papers, he shook his head. "No. You are two months pregnant. Are you ok? You do want the child, don't you?"

Quistis nodded her head. "Yes, I want it, I mean, no, but. . . I just need some time."

She walked out of his office, holding tight to her stomach. Quistis had to find Locke. There was something they had to talk about.

When she found him and told him, he looked at her, confused. "What do you mean two months pregnant? We only slept together once, last night. How?"

Quistis looked at the floor. "Two months ago, I slept with my ex. It must be his."

Locke smiled, "Good. You can just abort it."

Shocked, Quistis glared at him. "This is my baby. How can you just say 'abort him'?"

Locke stopped smiling at her. "Do you want to stay with me or not? I won't be father to your illegitimate brat."

Quistis glared at him one last time. "Then leave." He walked off slowly.

Quistis crouched down against a wall and started to cry. She had never felt so alone, so helpless. Seifer would have never left her if he knew she was pregnant with his child. She knew he would have stayed. His honor was that great.

Could she tell him now? No. What proof did she have that the child was his? None.

Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you

Let me let go

It just isn't right,

I've been two thousand miles

Down a dead-end road

Alone and pregnant, Quistis struggled through the next ten months at Galbadia Garden. When the time came, she gave birth to her and Seifer's baby, a little boy.

With hair still damp from labor, Quistis named her son as it passed into his adopted mother's arms. Smiling weakly, Quistis named him Michael.

Dr. Heise, the chosen mother for her son, took him and held him close to her body. "Quistis, you are doing the right thing."

Quistis looked away from Dr. Heise and her little boy. "I know it's the right thing, but that doesn't stop it from hurting."

Dr. Heise laughed. "Girl, you just went through labor. Of course you hurt. But you are going to go shopping in Deling with me next week."

Quistis smiled softly, listing to her baby, no, not hers. Dr. Heise's baby cry. "Ok, Jane. I will go shopping with you."

Locke stood outside the door, listening to the two women talk. Dr. Johnson came out of the washroom. "Do you want to go in?"

Locke shook his head. "No. I don't belong. She still loves the father. I'm not meant to be a part of it. Did you send notice to him?"

Dr. Johnson sadly smiled. "No. Quistis wouldn't tell us who it was. She requested that he not know. He never knew she was pregnant and she doesn't want him to have anything to do with Michael."

The small baby stopped crying in his new mother's arms as Jane named Quistis his guardian angle.

The next week, Jane and Quistis took a train to Deling and went shopping. Jane bought Quistis a new outfit; a pink tank top with maroon sleeves that came separate. The tank was tight fitting and opened slightly at the bottom showing off her mid-drift. She also bought Quistis a tight pink skirt and mid-calf maroon boots.

Quistis profusely thanked her mentor. Jane hugged Quistis tightly. "You are the closest thing I'll ever have to a daughter."

At the mention of offspring, Quistis felt her eyes water. Silently, Jane cursed herself for being so inconsiderate. "Quisty, honey, I'm so sorry."

Quistis wiped her tears away. "It isn't your fault. I'm just going to hurt for a while. I'll be ok eventually."

Quistis dragged through the rest of her time at Galbadia Garden. When her year was up and she had to go home, all her friends gave her a going away party. But out of them all, the hardest person to say good-bye to was Michael.

After all the tears were shed and hugs were given out, Quistis found herself alone in a messy room filled with popped balloons, wrapping paper, leftover cake, and Locke.

He slowly walked up to her. "Hey. I heard you're going back to Balamb today."

Quistis began cleaning the table of plates and half eaten pieces of cake. "Yeah, I am leaving. What's it to you?"

Locke started to help her. He picked up a plate and twirled it in his hands. "I care. I came to see you of didn't I?"

Angrily, Quistis stuffed a wad of paper in her trash bag. Turning around, she ran into Locke. She walked over to the door. "I'll get Jane to help clean up later. I have to go pack."

Locke opened the door for her. "Can I come and help you pack?" He winked at her.

"No." Quistis said simply and left Locke standing in the doorway of the party room.

Quistis took her train and got to Balamb later that day. Cid met her in the school van and drove her back to Garden.

The moment she entered the front gates, her classmates and her fan club surrounded her. Standing in the back of the crowd was Seifer. She attempted to make eye contact with him, but he avoided it. With a smirk, he disappeared into the people swarming the hall.

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you,

I just gotta know

If this is for the best,

Why are you still in my heart

Yeah, you?re still in my soul, let me let go

Let me let go, let me let go

Quistis felt her heart break for what she swore was the final time. No man was worth the aggravation. Even after all this time, he could still make her heart pound. But he could also make her angry as an all get out.

Nothings changed, Quistis though to herself. He's still the same arrogant bastard.

Quistis almost laughed out loud when she saw the roll call for her first class. Number one on the list was Seifer Almasy. As she stood in front of the class and looked at all the fresh faces pretending to want to learn.

She introduced herself as Quistis Trepe. Seifer snickered loudly as Quistis began explaining the syllabus.

It was then that it dawned on her. She would never be able to let go of what they had. There was always going to be a reminder. She glanced at the picture of Michael on her desk.

She grinned as she reprimanded Seifer and continued with her instructions, as well as an assignment for the weekend.

What they had might be over, but it would forever last.

As her students filed out of the room and Quistis was surrounded with admirers who pretended to have questions, she found herself smiling wistfully.

Let me let


	2. She Only Smokes WHen She Drinks

Epilogue

_  
If you don't want it bad enough to risk losing it- you don't want it bad enough._  
Tom Krause

Quistis Trepe sat alone in a musty bar located in the slums of Deling City. The smoke filled room was one she often visited in the six years since the defeat of the sorceress. The final battle had been fierce and hard on both the mind and body and still had people paying for it.  
  
Afterwards, The SeeD's were greeted by cheering crowds, all holding colorful banners and waving national flags to show their support of the new government. Nearly everyone had a smile, including the Ice Prince Squall Leonhart. Everyone shared a laugh with friends, both old and new.  
  
Squall and Rinoa got together, of course. Everyone in Garden knew that Rinoa was the only woman who could possibly melt the ice around his heart. They had two little girls of their own now.  
  
Selphie managed to rope in Irvine, which people saw coming as well. They had a fairly stable relationship with only small 'scrimmages' now and then. Around the end of last year, they found out they couldn't have any children, which was a terrible blow to Selphie. Irvine, optimistic as always, searched for orphan children from the war. He and Selphie adopted two little boys from Esthar.  
  
Zell hooked up with the library girl, who actually had a name, Amy. He still hadn't gathered the nerve to ask her to marry him, though they had been going out for several years. They were somewhere in Centra, exploring some ruin or another.  
  
Quistis, the more career oriented of them all, had her choice of men, but the one she needed was the only one she couldn't have.  
  
Flashback  
  
After finishing a talk with his magic instructor, Seifer walked over to Quistis, where she was practicing drawing from another student. When the guy saw Seifer coming, he took off at a run.  
  
Quistis looked up at Seifer and smiled brightly. "Hey. What was that about?"  
  
He winked at her and grinned slyly. "Oh, you know. She just wanted to confess her undying love for me."  
  
She rolled her eyes exasperatedly at her partner. "No, tell me the truth. Undying love? Please."  
  
"What, you don't believe me?" He held his hands up in his defense, "I can't help that I'm so attractive to the females. Even if she is older then me, she can't withstand my charm."  
  
Quistis laughed and punched him on the shoulder good-naturedly. "You're an idiot, ya know that."  
  
"Why, are you jealous?"  
  
She looked him in the eyes and met his challenge. "What if I am? What if I do want all your attention focused on me?"  
  
He put his hands down, not sure of what to say. Her blunt statement made him take a few steps forward. "You mean it?"  
  
Shyly, Quistis looked at her feet and drew a thin line in the dirt. "Ummm, maybe I do mean it. Is that a terribly bad thing, Seifer?"  
  
He walked up and grabbed her hand. "No, it isn't bad. In fact, I think that's the best news I've heard all day."  
  
She managed to raise her azure eyes to meet his green ones. "You mean it?"  
  
He nodded his head. "Yeah, I mean it." He bent over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. And as he moved in for a closer encounter . . .  
  
End Flashback  
  
"Hon, are you going to order something, or are you just going to stay there tempting my customers all night?"  
  
Quistis looked up at the big-breasted barmaid who stood next to her table. "Your customers need to get a new hobby and stop messin' with me. I can't count how many times I've been hit on."  
  
Hope tapped her foot anxiously. "Yeah, don't we all wish we had your problem." A drunken man waved her down from across the room. "I gotta go get that guy's toy. You want somethin', or what."  
  
Quistis glanced up at Hope. "That's disgusting, you know. I can't believe you work in your father's whore house."  
  
Hope glared at her friend. "Don't knock it till you've tried it. Now order."  
  
Quistis snorted. "Real intelligent." She rubbed her temples. "Pick the one thing you wouldn't give your worst enemy and give me a double."  
  
With a flip of her short red skirt, Hope pranced off to collect her order and serve the drunk man. Quistis struggled to regain her memory of Seifer, but it was lost forever in time. Ruefully, she sighed and pulled an ashtray of sand towards her.  
  
When she reached into her leather purse to pull out her packet of cigarettes, a good looking guy walked up and leaned on the end of the table. A group of giggly girls, probably their first time at a bar, whistled and loudly rated his butt. He averaged an 8.6.  
  
Quistis politely ignored him and shuffle through loose slips of paper for her lighter. The guy smiled as he held up a light for her. She leaned forward, lit her cigarette and returned to staring at the ash tray. He moved to sit down, but Quistis stopped him with an icy glare of her deep blue eyes. Her new friend rolled his eyes and left to talk to the butt- raters.  
  
Flashback  
  
They were in the Balamb woods and were supposed to be training. The night was unseasonably hot and the moon shone unusually bight. After romping around for a few hours and getting helplessly lost, they sat down to rest.  
  
Quistis, however, had other ideas. She leaned over and kissed Seifer softly above his eyebrow, sending shivers down his spine, giving him prickles down to his toes. He smiled lightly, talking to her with his eyes.  
  
"I'm ready." She whispered.  
  
He kissed her neck softly as her lowered himself next to her. She instinctively tensed when he pressed his hands to her chest and worked them up to her shoulders.  
  
She put her hands on his, not wanting him to stop, but too afraid to let him continue. She yelped when he placed his hands on her stomach and pushed a sharp stick into the small of her back.  
  
Seifer sat up suddenly. "You ok, darlin'? Don't want to go too fast for you."  
  
She pushed her back into a tree trunk and brought her knees up to her chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean. . ."  
  
Seifer interrupted her. "No, don't be sorry. It's yours to give when you want and to you want. I don't want you to regret anything about our time together,"  
  
Seifer reached his hand behind his head and pulled off his necklace. A silver cross gleamed in the moonlight. He offered the silvery chain to Quistis.  
  
She looked at him, feeling her eyes mist over. "I can't. . . It's yours. I can't take it from you."  
  
He hung it around her neck and kissed the nape of her neck. "I want you to have it. So you can have a little bit of me no matter what happens to us."  
  
She touched the cross as it settled itself between her breasts. Seifer leaned closer to her and kissed her lips softly, caressing them with his tongue.  
  
Quistis moaned softly as she lay back on the hard forest floor. Seifer repositioned himself and began to undress her.  
  
End Flashback  
  
The bar maid walked back to Quistis' table and set down a glass of a murky looking drink. "Just holler when you want another one, 'cuse you will be wanting another one soon."  
  
Quistis waved her off. "Thanks, Hope. I'll yell when I need you. Just stay away until then. And don't sell me to none of them vultures"  
  
Hope rolled her eyes as she walked over to another table and bent over seductively as a guy at that table tucked a twenty into her fishnet stockings.  
  
Quistis took a long swig of her beverage, grimacing at the burning feeling as it forced its way down her throat and settled in her stomach. She selected another cigarette from her purse and managed to light it by herself.  
  
She inhaled deeply and looked around the room. She saw no one she knew, but many who were looking at her.  
  
_You're readin' it all wrong/Let me tell you about her/She only smokes when she drinks/She only drinks now and then/Now and then when she's tired/Of bein' let down by men_

Quistis exhaled her smoke and watched it drifted toward the ceiling as another memory drifted toward her, like a flower petal on a wave.  
  
Flash Back  
  
The sunlight shone through the window of the second floor classroom casting strange shadows on the floor. All eyes were focused on the blonde beauty who taught their SeeD Prep Class. She smiled wistfully, as she knew that only half of her students were actually paying attention to her lecture.  
  
One man in the back row caught her eye as he yawned loudly and stretched his arms out over his head. Losing her place, she glanced down at her notes. Sure, she and Seifer had broken it off over two years ago, but there were some things you couldn't forget.  
  
She wrapped up her lecture and finished class with a few announcements. "If you haven't taken the prerequisite to the Field exam, please arrange for one before tomorrow. Seifer, I need to speak with you, if you wouldn't mind."  
  
Seifer's peers snickered as they filed out of the classroom. It was considered the greatest of disgraces if Instructor Trepe had to meet with you after class. Quistis smiled at many a student as they waved to her.  
  
Seifer sauntered up to her desk after the last of her admirers left the room. He stopped about five feet away from her, towering over her petite form. "What did you want to talk about, dear instructor?"  
  
Quistis glared at her student. "Cut the crap, Seifer. I wanted to warn you that you need to actually pass your test this year. Your time is running out and I doubt that you'll be able to find another line of work."  
  
He sat on the corner of her desk and crossed his arms over his chest. "Don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about. I'm going to be a sorceress' knight. I have talents."  
  
Quistis picked up Seifer's portfolio from her desk and opened it. "Grow up. You are not five years old, playing some silly game. Your scores show you could be the best damn SeeD out there if you would just apply yourself."  
  
Seifer looked at his feet an uncrossed his arms. Quistis unconsciously felt her hand go to her neck, searching for her necklace. This small act did not go unnoticed by Seifer.  
  
"You still have that thing? It was just a bit of junk I got at a dime store." He smirked at her, as her face flushed a deep fuchsia.  
  
She smiled brightly, as she had taken the necklace off earlier that day. "You think too highly of yourself. I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about. You may go now, and I suggest you spend your time studding and not making life hell for other students."  
  
Seifer left the room slowly, showing Quistis that she didn't intimidate him.  
  
Quistis sighed heavily as she sat down at her desk. She opened the drawer of her mahogany desk and pulled out a silver chain. She gently placed it on the desk. A picture on the corner of the desktop caught her eye. It was a picture of a one-year-old boy, sitting in the middle of a huge bed.  
  
It was a picture of her son.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Quistis glared at her empty cup and waved down Hope. "Give me a beer. I don't want to get drunk too fast."  
  
Hope smiled sympathetically. "Tonight's a slow night, huh? Well, sweetie, it gets better. You got any preferences?"  
  
Quistis shook her head. Alcohol was alcohol. It helped drown memories. Its job was nothing more, nothing less.  
  
_You can give her a light/But it's not what you think/Everybody knows, she only drinks alone/And she only smokes when she drinks_  
  
Quistis smiled slightly as her nicotine rush kicked in. It always helped to calm her nerves. When Hope came back and placed the auburn bottle in front of her, Quistis simply picked it up and began to peel the label off. A stupid hobby she picked up.  
  
As an afterthought, she reached into her purse and dug deep. When her hand resurfaced, it held within its clutches a silver chain with a small cross hanging off it.  
  
Flashback  
  
"Quistis Trepe, report to the Headmaster's office, ASAP. Repeat: Quistis Trepe, report to Cid's office, ASAP.  
  
Quistis felt a flush begin to crawl up her neck as students and instructors alike whispered as she walked by. She had recently returned from a SeeD field exam and had been busy congratulating her students, both those who passed and those who didn't.  
  
Of course one student had been noticeably absent.  
  
When she managed to make her way to the third floor, she found Cid, a few of the omnipresent Garden Staff, and her missing student.  
  
"Seifer," She greeted him as civilly as she could. She had gotten word that he failed again, this time for disobeying orders. He only smiled in return, being unusually pleasant.  
  
Cid placed his hands behind his back and frowned slightly. "And how are you doing tonight, Miss Trepe?"  
  
Quistis looked at her boss, thoroughly confused. "I'm fine, headmaster. How are you doing?"  
  
"Not so well, Miss Trepe." Cid's frown deepened slightly. "I don't like dealing with unpleasant matters such as these."  
  
Quistis nervously glanced at Seifer, who continued smiling. "And what unpleasant matters would those be, sir?"  
  
Cid glanced at Seifer as well, before he continued his speech. "I have received numerous complaints about you, Miss Trepe. I'm afraid that students don't feel particularly, shall we say encouraged, to be taught by you. You lack the leadership qualities that we need in an instructor."  
  
Staring in disbelief, Quistis let out a small laugh. "Students periodically have small disagreements with their teachers. That's just how things work sometimes."  
  
Cid nodded. "Yes, and normally I would agree with you. However, I have received information from a DC member that you are not prepared for this job. If I had more time, I would investigate, but as you can simply see, I'm overcome with work. For now, your licenses will be revoked. You are dismissed. You may go as well, Seifer."  
  
Quistis and Seifer left the room and got on the elevator. "It was you. You turned me in and most likely had your posses lodge complaints against me." She waved her hands frantically in his face.  
  
Seifer smiled innocently as he close the elevator door. "Right on, Instructor. You are a smart one, too bad you lack leadership qualities. I followed your example, after all." He continued laughing as the door opened and Quistis stormed out to clean up her office.  
  
End Flashback  
  
Quistis added the fifth beer bottle label to her pile as she waved Hope over, once again. "Give me sumthin' stronger, ya hear?"  
  
Hope smiled slightly. "Right, hon. Maybe you should let one of them nice boys dance with ya. It might do ya some good."  
  
Quistis flicked a label at Hope as she left to fetch Quistis' order. "Like you know about heart break."  
_  
Did you ask her to dance/Let me guess, she told you no/Got to take her some place quie/ And see how far that goes/Oh, don't take it all that hard/When she smiles and turns you down_  
  
Flashback  
  
It hurt her deeply when they had to fight Seifer for the final time. She couldn't 'pull her punches' so to speak, because her friends were endangered. But once upon a time, he had been her friend as well.  
  
He fell forward slightly as Squall delivered Lionheart. A small river of blood trickled out of the corner of his mouth.  
  
Monosyllabically, Squall addressed his foe. "You can give, Seifer. This doesn't need to continue."  
  
Seifer pulled himself off the ground. "Like Hell it doesn't! I'm gonna win, puberty boy. Ain't nothing in the whole damn world you can do about it. He made eye contact with Quistis. "I can't fail again."  
  
Quistis turned her azure eyes away and cracked her whip nervously. Squall nodded his head, accepting Seifer's decision to go out like a man, like a knight.  
  
Quistis struck the final blow with her Save the Queen and felt her heart cry out when he hit the cold, metal floor. Even though Squall had done most of the damage, it was she who had finished the deed.  
  
Rinoa ran up and was dragged off by Seifer. He fed her to Adel and managed to back away. Back by the door, he collapsed again. Squall went on with Selphie and Zell to save Rinoa. Quistis managed to sneak away, unnoticed, to tend to her ex-lover.  
  
He coughed up blood onto her already stained skirt. "Quisty?" He reached his hand up to touch a flaxen strand of hair hanging in front of his face. "Is that you, Quisty?"  
  
She felt her tears run down her face as she leaned forward. Seifer's voice was getting weaker. "Yeah, it's me. I'm here."  
  
He coughed again, a little more forcefully. "'M sorry for getting you fired, 'n 'm sorry for hurting you. I never meant to."  
  
Quistis brushed a few sweaty wisps of hair off his forehead. "I know you are. I know."  
  
His eyes focused suddenly. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
She looked down into his jade eyes. "Why didn't I tell you what?"  
  
He shuddered violently. "Why didn't you tell me I had a son? Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
Quistis felt herself start to fade into time compression as Seifer's words repeated in her head. 'Why didn't you tell me?'  
  
End Flashback  
  
The door to the bar jingled as more customers trampled in. Quistis barely looked up from her bourbon. She tried to search her memories and find one more to latch onto, but they all slipped trough her fingers like grains of sand.  
  
Hope walked up and took a spot directly in front of Quistis, bringing along a few more beers and her own pack of cigarettes. "You got a light, babe?"  
  
Quistis absent mindedly handed her a lighter. Hope lit up and inhaled as she thought of what to say to her friend. "What are you doing tonight? You want to come over to my place?"  
  
Quistis grunted, noncommittally. She wanted to be left alone, but Hope had been a pillar of support the six years that came after the Sorceress' War of Succession.  
  
Hope smiled slightly as she handed Quistis a beer. "We can be, like, real girls, out on the town. Pick up a few guys, do insane shit we wouldn't normally do. . ."  
  
An ember glowed red in the ashtray that had made its way to the middle of the table. Quistis stared at it with interest. She took a quick swig of beer and looked over Hope's shoulders. With an alarmed look on her face, she jumped up and made her way to the bathroom.  
  
Confused, Hope pulled herself off the sticky booth and followed Quistis into the dank and dirty restroom. "What's up, babe? You acted like you just saw yourself a ghost."  
  
Quistis turned the cold tap water on high and splashed her reddened face. "Worse. I saw Seifer. A real livin', beathin' reminder of my past."  
  
Unable to hold on to whatever dignity she had left, Quistis collapsed on the tile floor, sobbing hysterically.  
  
Hope tried to bend down to comfort her friend, finding it difficult in her short skirt. "Honey, I'm sure it wasn't him. You've had a hard night."  
  
Quistis brushed her tears away. "I wish I could believe you, but I saw him. I saw his damn face, still as fuckin' arrogant as always."  
  
Frantically, Hope pulled a cigarette out of her bodice. "You telling me Seifer Almasy just walked into my father's bar?"  
  
Quistis slowly nodded her head. Hope laughed gleefully. "This is great." She held her cigarette out for Quistis who ignored it. "You can finally end all them damn nightmares. Just go up to him and talk."  
  
Quistis pulled herself back up, using the sink for support. "No. Look at me. I dreamt of meeting him again all these years, but me in a bar, bags under my eyes, stinking of smoke and alcohol, is not how I imagined it."  
  
Hope pulled out a makeup bag from under the sink. "I keep this in here for emergencies."  
  
Quistis didn't crack a smile as Hope went to work.  
  
_You can give her a light/But it's not what you think/Everybody knows, she only drinks alone/And she only smokes when she drinks_  
  
Seifer sat in a booth located directly opposite of Quistis' now vacant one. Ignoring all the dirty looks he was getting, he ordered a few shots of hard liquor. His hair was longer and a little dirty, but he still gave off an 'I'm better then you' aura.  
  
He nodded to a few people who smiled his way and winked at a few whores. When his waitress came with his drink, he raised his glass and prepared to chug it.  
  
Quistis stepped out of the bathroom, almost looking eighteen again. Seifer's eyes met hers and his glass fell to the table, breaking into two clean pieces.  
  
Carefully, Quistis approached Seifer, like he was a dream. He stood up and smiled. She sat down and grinned slightly as she saw Hope give her a thumbs up sign from behind Seifer's shoulder.  
  
They sat for a few moments, just looking at each other. Seifer was the first to speak. "So, Instructor, what have you been doing all these years?"  
  
Quistis winced at the name 'Instructor'. "Actually, I quit SeeD about five years ago. It got kind of pointless." She looked down at the table. "I got bored." She quickly looked up. "What about you?"  
  
Seifer ignored the question and took Quistis' hands in his own. "I've missed you, Quisty. I've spent most of my time seeking you out."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "No, really. Be serious. You left me. You hung me out to dry. Discarded me like a fucking piece of diseased meat. Don't you go and feed me none of that shit. I might be getting older, but I'm sure as hell not senile."  
  
He looked into her eyes, and she found herself unable to look away. "Then why do you still have my necklace."  
  
Mentally she cursed herself. She had forgotten she had put it back on. Her hand went up to cover it. "I. . ."He eyes filled with tears for the first time in six years.  
  
Seifer stood up and helped Quistis up as well. "Let's go for a walk." Quistis followed him, not meeting the eyes of anyone in the bar.  
  
When they reached the street, the cold night air hit her like a sledge hammer. Involuntarily, Quistis shivered. Seifer took off his tattered trench coat and handed it to her. She gratefully took it.  
  
They walked down the street, wandering really, no destination in mind. Seifer stopped Quistis when they reached the park. She sat her down on a bench and got on his knees in front of her.  
  
Unable to hold it back, Quistis laughed. "You aren't going to propose, are you?"  
  
Seifer laughed as well, loudly and heartily. It had been a long tome since either had felt so free of guilt and past misdeeds. "No. But I do want to apologies. I don't know what happened to us, but I want you back."  
  
She slid off the bench and sat on the graveled path with him. "What do you mean? You cheated on me. It's simple, really."  
  
Seifer shook his head. He had an idea about what happened, but didn't want to point fingers. "No. Don't look into our past. I've grown up, Quisty. We both have. Can we start over?"  
  
"Start over? Completely?"  
  
Seifer smiled at her. "Yeah. We can become a real couple. Like one we might have been a long time ago. We won't ask 'what if'. We can be normal. Quis, I searched for you. All these years I wanted to see your face. And now you're here. I was a fool to not come after you once, but I won't do it again."  
  
He held his hand out for her. She took it and smiled trough her tears. "Ok. We won't ask 'what if'. We leave the past in the past where it belongs."  
  
Seifer stood up and pulled Quistis up as well. The lights of Deling shone on them as Seifer smiled Quistis. "Will you dance with me?"  
  
She placed her hand in his and sighed as he wrapped his arm around her waist. The music of the city provided enough rhythm for the two lovers as they danced their past away.  
  
_For a complicated girl She ain't that hard to figure out  
_  
Our pasts only haunt us when we let them. Before you let something dark consume you, think about what happened and why it happened. Life isn't always fair and shit happens, but if you are brave enough to weather the storm, you will do all right. 


End file.
